An update

Goodness, it's been a long time since I've set down to write here!

A quick update about what's been going on in my life, since school let out last year and began this year.

-I took advantage of the summer to do a lot of reading and writing (personal writing, nothing that should be published or would hold any one's interest).
-I did quite a bit of work for school this summer. Trainings on the Promethean Board, High Schools That Work conference, Data and Assessment training, and Common Formative Assessment Training.
-I worked out with my friend Hayley...stupid on my part, she's ten years my junior!
-I took a vacation with my sister to Memphis...Elvis, Beale Street, Sun Records, and the Civil Rights Museum (if you have been to the Civil Rights Museum, you have to go....it's amazing!)
-I started dating an amazing man named Scott...I'm excited about what the future holds.

That's all the time I got for now...I'll try to pop back in soon!

Movement is Art

One of the most beautiful things I have seen in a long time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_TCK5OCgss

School's out...

So, what does an English teacher do in her first couple days of freedom?

Read four books, strictly for pleasure. ;)

Farenheit 451
Ask Again Later
Ella Minnow Pea
The Ballad of Trenchmouth Taggart

Oh, I've also gone to a Cardinals game, played tennis with a co-worker, walked the lap around Creve Coeur lake, and am now getting ready to go meet a former student for coffee.

Summer (day 2) is shaping up nicely...so far.

Outraged!

Dear Asshole,

Despite a little fear and anxiety that you are certifiably nuts and will be someone to hunt me down, I called the police and animal control on you this morning.

For over a week I have watched your puppy (an absolutely adorable puppy, by the way) be mistreated. No, you haven't beat him...you've completely neglected him. He's been living on a 3x6' balcony: sleeping, pacing, defecating, whining, eating from a torn bag of spilled dog food (that which is now sure to be mixed with feces) and searching for clean drinking water (of which there is none)...LIVING ON YOUR F---ING BALCONY!!

I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you had to be out of town and just made a poor choice and left your dog outside for a couple days, but NO...You have been in and out of your condo and you have not opened the sliding glass door once to attend to your dog. How can you listen to your dog whine and paw at the door for hours and do NOTHING?!

Never have I been this outraged with someone I've had no interaction with, nor do I generally wish bad things upon a person...but you...you, I'd like to see strung up by your toes (better yet, your genitals!)...or at the very least, made to live in the conditions you have forced upon that poor puppy!!

The woman at animal control said someone was on their way to your house when I made a follow-up call around 9:00 this morning. From the sounds of it, there is a history of calls concerning you as a horrible pet owner (this didn't help alleviate my anger or disgust). I am praying that when I return home today the puppy will be long gone, that a nice family will have the opportunity to adopt him, and that you will, at the very least, have to pay a hefty fine.

If, heaven forbid, that sweet puppy is still there, know that I will be watching and I will make a nuisance of myself at the animal control center. If all else fails, I'll get a ladder and take matters into my own hands.

Oh, and, if you are the type to retaliate...be warned, I have a bat and a pretty wicked softball swing.

-J

A Gaggle of Girls

This picture always makes me smile.

The fact that it is May and I am just now posting a picture from Christmas is indicative of what my life has been like as of late.

While I love going home for any reason, I especially love it when I get to see all the young ones. I rarely go any length of time without someone on my lap...or four in this case. This is the face of happiness.

Who's Your Celebrity Look Alike?

In the past few weeks I've had random people make comments about me looking like a celebrity. I'm not sure I see myself in any of these famous faces, but it's a nice thought. What do you think?

(L to R: Annette Bening, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Julie Bowen, Geena Davis)

Leave a message in the comments and let me know which celebrity you are told you resemble.

An Update

With so much going on lately I've not taken the time to sit down and write on this space. Technically I should be reading with my students during silent sustained reading, but I'm not...not a very good model today.

Since Writers Week, things have been pretty anti-climatic around school. It's hard to top the reaction and the enthusiasm the students had for that event. I am still receiving positive feedback from administration and kids though...that's awesome!

It is difficult getting back into paper grading mode.

It is nice not having a student teacher anymore! My first day of teaching again was like a drug. I had a "high" like I'd not had in awhile...my students noticed. It's a great feeling when you realize you are right where you should be, doing what you are meant to be doing.

I'm in a writing group with a couple of my colleagues and I love it. I haven't been writing nearly as much lately...not really sure why I'm not finding the motivation, but I love that we are sharing our lives and our knowledge with each other in this way.

This summer is wedding season...several of my Blair Oaks kids are getting married...they are sooo young (or rather, I'm getting old!).

I'm smitten. For the first time in a long time (if ever), I am allowing myself to just enjoy these moments and not over think this. Yesterday afternoon I found myself thinking "this is really going to hurt if it doesn't work out." Then, completely uncharacteristic of me, I told myself to not think about it...that even if it doesn't work out, I wouldn't trade all the moments and laughter we've shared over the past couple weeks. It feels good.

Two Faces of Writers Week

A photo capturing the instant I gave "the look" to a group of students in the auditorium. My mean teacher, "don't mess with me" look...what do you think, does it work?

My favorite of the two (hopefully for apparent reasons)...a look of joy and contentment as I watch my dream take shape.

Late Reactions to Day 3

Subconsciously, I think, I haven't allowed myself to write my reactions to day three because by holding out, in some weird recess of my mind, it extends the time we have left with Writers Week. Crazy, huh?! Unfortunately, we can't still time and WW will eventually have to come to an end...but then, I guess that is just another aspect that makes the event so special. If we had it all the time, we'd have nothing to look forward to next year. Anyway...this is a topic to be discussed later...for I am not ready to remove myself from the warm embrace of Writers Week.

Day 3 had a different feel about it because there were no student presentations. The entire day seemed to move at a slower pace, which was nice for several reasons. I felt like I actually got to spend some time talking to our visiting presenters instead of rushing around, I didn't have to stress out about having enough time for all our students to present, and I felt like I allowed myself to actually sit and listen instead of worrying about what was next.

Seth Jarman blew me away. I was impressed when I heard his music on his Myspace page, but to hear him live...Wow! I thought his presentation of material was great as well. I loved the "Storyteller" feel of his performance. I found his lyrics filled with beautiful lines, lines that touched me deeply. Many of the lines I wrote down have already been featured in other blogs, so I'll try to steer clear of total repetition.

"What if I don't sway next summer?
What if I don't bloom again?"
-Bloom

I love the idea of "blooming"...the idea of "not blooming." There are so many areas of life in which we allow others to "cut us down" and we never allow ourselves to "bloom." Or we just get caught in the routines of life, losing our excitement, and our passions just sit wasting away. I hope WW has helped some people BLOOM.

Dan Begley completely cracked me up. I love that he was still giddy about his novel being published, it was endearing. So many successful people aren't willing to share their secrets or their knowledge with others and I love that he was so willing to share every insight he possessed. I also think it is very cool that he sent an email today with a list of books that he used and found helpful in his writing journey (check out his page on the ning). And, I'll be honest, over lunch he told me, "you have a Hollywood face," so Dan rates really high in my book! :)

Devon Johnston's poetry is amazing. When I first got his book I thought I'd never understand what he was writing about, but the more I read, the more I liked that there could be many different interpretations to his work. I loved that he addressed that too...saying that he liked that sometimes there was no definite answer and that he often tried to write so there wouldn't be one. I also liked his response when asked why he focuses so much on birds. The idea that birds are around us all the time and because of that we often don't take notice of them, therefore, our overlooking them makes them alien to us. It made me stop and think about all the common place things we take for granted daily.

Lastly, I've got to mention the faculty presentations. This has been my only disappointment thus far with WW. My disappointment wasn't with the presenters, but the fact that we ran short on time and Mr. Holmes didn't get to present. (Thankfully, that will be rectified tomorrow during fourth and fifth periods. I can't wait to hear him!) Boelter, Jennings, and Kueschel, such amazing personal stories...wow. Mrs. Boesch had such beautiful descriptions (I literally felt seasick while reading her piece the first time!), Mrs. Clifton...such a cool story and example of family love and support, and Mr. J...is there anything he can't do?! Next year I'm requesting impromptu limericks while standing on his head!

Another Day for Tears

I'm beginning to wonder how long a person can ride an emotional high.

The past two days have been quite possibly (most likely) the most amazing days in my professional life...they're pretty high in my personal life as well. All the long hours of planning and preparing, the sleepless nights and the days being too nervous and busy to eat (thank you WW for helping me drop a few pounds), have all been worth it. We were pumped about bringing WW to West, and we hoped it would be well-received, but I honestly don't think Mr. Jameson and I ever really thought this would be the reaction the first year (I know I didn't!).

Day One had nothing on Day Two; both days were equally phenomenal!!

Here are some of my highlights for the day:

Students’ interactions with Annette Crymes. I'll be honest in that I was a little nervous when she mentioned wanting to do some thing interactive because I wasn't sure how the students would handle it, but as always, they rose to the occasion. They loved her passion for writing and I think she made them think about the way they use language...there isn't a need for profanity to get a message across.

Annette stayed the entire day and was overwhelmed by what she experienced with us during WW; she complimented and commended us profusely throughout the day.

Lamar...you made me cry. Never have I been more proud of a student or have I had one work so hard on a piece. I know you were anxious about getting up in front of a large crowd, but you NAILED IT!!!

Melissa...I am sooo glad that others have experienced your gift for writing. You had the audience in the palm of your hand and I am sure that several left with stitches in their sides!

Katie, Nick, Endia, Julianne...thank you for sharing such personal experiences. You are brave and strong, and you touched many hearts!

"Last year my book was a best seller in Taiwan. During the Summer Olympics I cheered for Taiwan; they are my people." -Judy Merrill Larsen

"My youngest son told me, 'Thanks a lot for killing me off, Mom.'" (The youngest son in her book is the one killed in a jet skiing accident.) -Judy Merrill Larsen

Nearly every visiting presenter has asked for us to have them back for WW next year.

Shelby...I'm so proud of you! I'm so glad that you didn't talk yourself out of presenting...you have such a gift for writing and I'm glad that others got to see that!

Kristin...You opened the students' minds to language and its connection to movement. So cool!

Tyler and Kevin...I was right...the audience loved you! And the PowerPoint presentation...timed with your playing and vocals...AMAZING!

William...the truest example of "the show must go on" I have ever witnessed! The Harmonica solo was amazing!

Mr. J. running around the stage to assist William...well done J., well done.

"I'm sure you know my math teacher, she mentioned your name a couple of time while she was trying to teach me..." The entire paper was hysterical, yet very insightful, Felicia. Although, your performance of that piece is what sent it over the top!

Math teachers signing up to attend sessions...you know you made it when the math teachers sign on to something the English department is doing. ;)

"I was so touched by what I saw yesterday I cried and then I went home and cried again last night. What you have done is amazing. I still can't talk about it without crying." -Mrs. Tusinski

"You did it! You did it! You did it, did it, did it!" -Gary Anderson (co-founder of WW)

"By focusing on writing last week your school became a safer, warmer, smarter place than it was the week before." -Gary Anderson

Overflowing sessions...our seating maximum was about 450...I guarantee there were closer to 500 people in the auditorium 6th and 7th periods!

Students writing and writing and writing some more because they are so inspired by two days of WW. What more can we ask for?

I'll stop for now...although there are so many more wonderful memories. I also must stop so that I can spend some time writing, for I have no idea what I am presenting on Monday! I am seriously nervous after seeing how amazing the student presenters have been!

The Realization of a Dream

I can't believe that Day One has already come and gone. The hours of planning and dreaming and hoping finally came to fruition and the start of Writers Week was nothing short of phenomenal.

I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I was as nervous as I was this morning, possibly the minutes before taking the court for the NAIA National Tournament, but even that pales in compares. Fortunately, this morning's constant motion and a goal-oriented mindset kept me busy enough to temporarily overlook my knotted stomach and overwhelming desire to throw up. It was time to let go, to let all the planning and preparation take over and just let Writers Week happen. Had I children, I would compare this to watching them walk away from me towards their first day of school, or that moment in which a parent knows they are no longer needed (not unwanted, just not needed...as much). I let go and I watched "my baby" flourish and surpass expectations.

There were so many wonderful moments throughout the entire day. Every student presenter did an amazing job; I was awed by their poise, their presence and the passion with which they read their pieces! Never would I have had the courage as a high school student to stand in front of an auditorium of my peers and share my personal writing! The bar has been set very high for all presenters, and we faculty members should probably be a little nervous! ;)

While more moments will flood my memory as days go by (I'm already looking forward to those days of "Do you remember... " and "Oh my gosh, I completely forgot that!"), these are a few of the moments that come most quickly to my mind at this late hour:

I spent a majority of the first session watching from the hallway outside the auditorium because I was overwhelmed and had to have a few moments to cry. I stood watching an auditorium full of students hang on every word of their peers, in silence, and I listened to strong and confident voices read their writing. I stood watching and listening to my dream take shape while tears rolled down my cheeks.

My dear friend Jessica pulling out a trophy she'd won at a speech contest in high school and discussing how it was symbolic of the struggles and accomplishments of a far-from-perfect childhood. I'm also chuckling at the question (and the answer) of how Jessica and I met. The fact that Dylan skipped school today to watch/support his mom is pretty cool too.

Dr. Jason Sommer making the comment, "People don't care what you think, you have to make them feel in order to care." So true.

Mr. Joye commenting on how much he appreciated Karianna sharing her piece on Jamel's death and that it was a real tribute to Jamel, to have him remembered in an auditorium of 400 students. I agree wholeheartedly, and I teared up.

A student in the audience telling the entire panel of student presenters that he had felt emotionally connected to each one of them when they read their writing and thanked them for sharing with him.

A student saying that Writers Week should happen every week. (A first day response, wow!)
The buzz around the school about Writers Week. Mrs. Raziq told us after school that all she heard about at lunch was Writers Week.

Non-English teachers stopping me to tell me how impressed they were with Writers Week, and seeing that several math teachers signed up to bring their classes to the auditorium tomorrow.
Ms. Chester being upset that she couldn't attend WW today and won't be there tomorrow either. (I don't like the fact she is upset, but that it's about not being able to attend WW.)

Watching comments on this site tonight.

In closing, tonight, I just want to say thank you. Thank you to our presenters, thank you to our student body for being such a great audience, thank you to the administration for allowing this to happen, thank you to the CS department for the support and just being amazing in general, thank you to Mr. Pecka and Mr. Dowdy for all your assistance with the technical aspects (seriously, this would never have happened without the two of you), thank you to Ms. Seibel for helping prepare students for their presentations, and last, but definitely not least, thank you to Mr. J, Mr. Holmes, and Ms. Boyd for putting up with my sleep-deprived craziness and helping me realize this dream!!

Favorite Find of the Day

Driving home from Columbia today I listened to P!nk's new album. I'm a fan of her music because it's got attitude and she is always true to herself. I also love the fact that while she has a tough exterior, she also has a very soft side (that is so rarely seen)...this little gem is the last song on the album, and it is a beaut! There are some beautiful lines in this song...I hope you'll take a moment to listen to it online.

Glitter in the Air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

Why?

You have left me questioning;
closed doors were reopened
and I find myself in limbo, again.
The healing process is slowed by your ripping
the band aid off, fast and without warning.

Why?
Why pull me into the
doubts you may be having?

I found a small place in my heart to store
my disappointment, while I placed
your happiness, your joy, your future
at the forefront.

It was not easy, but I did it.

Why?
Why disrupt the progress?
Why tell me things were best when we were together?
Why make me question your happiness,
when it was the one salvation I had for a breaking heart?

Giddy as a school girl

I'm bubbling over with excitement feeling inspired, and seem to have a permanent smile plastered on my face. Yesterday's visit to Fremd High School's Writers Week is one of the most amazing experiences I have had in my professional life. I left wanting to write, and write, and write!

I first met Gary and Tony and heard about Writers Week at the annual NCTE (National Council of Teachers of English) Conference this past November. Their session, entitled Writers Week, caught my eye because I have really tried to focus more on writing in my classroom this school year. I was excited to hear their presentation, but I had absolutely no idea what I was in for.

The basic premise behind Writers Week is to celebrate the craft of writing, to focus on beautiful and heart-felt languague and the process of writing for an entire week. To do this, professional writers are contacted to share their writing, writing process, skill/gift with an auditorium full of students. In addition to professional writers, students and faculty members also take the stage to share their writing, their experiences, their lives. The list of authors/poets/journalists Fremd has brought in to their school over the past 15 years is nothing short of amazing: Gwendolyn Brooks, Billy Collins, Sharon Draper, Rick Bragg, Billy Lombardo (just to name a few). Leaving the session, I was inspired; I wanted to recreate this at my school!

I am excited to say that students will experience the First Annual Writers Week this April (2,3,6,9). Fremd can no longer say they are the only high school in the nation to host such an event (they are really excited about this too!). For the past few months a few of my colleagues (I will write another post about them!) and I have been diligently working to make this happen.

Throughout this process I have been in contact with Gary and Tony...they are amazing! There is nothing about Writers Week they aren't willing to share. They email me documents, have given me CDs from their previous years, shared fundraising ideas, and most importantly, they've always been supportive and encouraging. The greatest gift they have given me though, is an invite to experience their Writers Week (well, I may have invited myself, but they agreed).

I'm still not sure that I have the right words to express what Mr. Jameson and I experienced at Fremd's Writers Week. From the moment we stepped through the front doors, there was a buzz about the school. Both excited and anxious, we made our way to the hospitality room where we were warmly greeted by other teachers, asked if we were the visitors from St. Louis, and immediately treated like old friends. After handshakes and a quick hug from Gary, we made our way to the auditorium. Rounding the corner to the auditorium, it was evident that this is where the 'buzz' was generated; we could literally feel the energy in the room. Once in our seats, we sat riveted.

Wednesday's schedule looked like this:

1st period: A novelist by the name of M. Glenn Taylor read from his recently published book, The Ballad of Trenchmouth Taggart, a story set in rural Virginia in the early 1900's. The presentation was really good, but most impressive were the students. A 3/4 full auditorium of high school students were actively listening. From where we were sitting, I didn't see a single cell phone or hear whispering (which we know are major feats in education these days!).

2nd period: A Fremd graduate, Dennis Florine. The podium was quickly moved to the side and Dennis walked to the front of the stage where he began playing an acoustic guitar and singing. The students went crazy for Dennis and after his session, there were at least 100 students on stage thanking him, asking for autographs, and/or purchasing CDs of his music.

3rd period: Cristina Henriquez, a short story writer who will have her first novel in stores next week talked about writing and perseverance. (We actually only caught the last part of this presentation because we were talking logistics with Gary and Tony.)

4th and 5th periods were both devoted to student presenters. We were blown away! One particular student presented a SLAM poem on Homophobia and intolerance. One word...WOW! Sitting there, I got goose bumps and teary-eyed and when she finished, I felt like jumping out of my seat and giving her a standing ovation. The best part of the student presentations was the reaction from the audience. When a student was introduced, there was screaming and yelling for him/her, some students held signs with the presenters' names on them and afterwards the presenters were all congratulated, hugged, and high-fived. It was also not uncommon to hear students in the hallway going up to one another and saying, "You presented that poem on Monday, I really liked that!"
Student presenters are as popular as any athlete in that school...how amazing is that!

6th period: Burt Constable, from the Daily Herald, shared previous columns he had written with the students. One that he shared was his prediction that Barack Obama would be President, written in 2005. He has participated in several Writers Weeks and is still awed by the fact that he shared the stage with Gwendolyn Brooks (what a lucky man!).

7th and 8th periods were scheduled with Billy Lombardo, author of The Logic of a Rose and the soon to be released How to Hold a Woman. Billy was phenomenal and he is an author that we really want at our Writers Week. He was high energy and we experienced the gamut of emotions with him, from laughing to crying.

After the final session, we made our way on stage to thank Billy and help clean up the stage area. I was literally sad for the day to be over. We chatted with Gary again afterwards, him asking most of the questions this time...wanting our advice and opinions on their Writers Week!

I got one more hug from Gary before Mr. Jameson and I began our journey back to St. Louis. We considered calling in sick today and staying for another day (we really wanted to see Fanboys...yet another post), but we were too excited to get back to our own students and begin creating the 'buzz' for our own Writers Week!

Honored as Teacher of the Year

This past Thursday evening was the Founder's Day Banquet, where I was honored for being the Teacher of the Year for my building. While I generally don't like having a fuss made over me, it was really nice being recognized for the time and energy I put in professionally. A few of my closest friends attended the banquet to show their support, as well as my building principal. Although a little lengthy at times, it was a great evening; and, having people I care about there made the evening even more special.

My Amazing Friends...

It is no secret that I think I have the most amazing friends. I truly believe each person has been placed in my life for a specific reason and that each person compliments me in some way, or brings something unique to my life. I'm blessed with friends I've had all my life and some that are newly acquired...each holding a very special place in my heart. While I sit here and think about the friends that I have or have had in my life, I know I will never fully do justice, in words, to what each of them mean to me. This may be a post I update often as I am sure in this first attempt I will leave off someone special or instrumental in my life.

Thank you to each of you for changing my life in such positive ways. I know I don't say it nearly enough, but I adore each of you and know that I am daily blessed to have you in my life.

Suzi: Never could I have asked for a better sister or friend. You have the kindest heart of anyone I know. I often feel like I am not deserving of all you do for me, whether it's listening to me ramble, letting me cry on your shoulder, making me laugh, or getting me out of a jam. There's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for you. You are my hero.

Kim: We've been friends for as long as I can remember...literally. You have been my truest friend through all the years. I am amazed at how parallel our lives have been, even when we were living far apart. You always know what to say when I seek advice, vent, or cry...I know I would not have survived many struggles without you. You are my sister. I cherish our vault full of memories and look forward to those that we are yet to create.

Jill: As with Kim, we've been friends for as long as I can remember. I have always considered myself to be the third twin (or the missing triplet!). You have always been a kind soul, always seeing the best in people, and you are sincerely genuine in everything you say. I love that no matter how much time passes, we always pick up where we left off. I pray that life brings you all the happiness you deserve (there is no limit!) and I look forward to the next time we get to spend time together.

Amy: I have such fond memories of the two of us that date all the way back to kindergarten. I now tell my students about how you got Jill and I sent to Principal's office :), and I laugh aloud thinking of us dancing around to "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini!" You are one of the most sincere people I have ever known. While you stand strong in your convictions, you are always accepting of people for who they are. Your laugh is infectious and I rarely remember an occasion you weren't smiling. I choose you to be my sister also. How blessed I am to have such a beautiful, talented, and compassionate woman in my life.

B: Oh, my little brother...how I tormented you growing up! I remember the day I knew my picking on you had come to an end; it centered around you dead lifting dad and all of us staring at you with our jaws hanging open. :) I can't tell you how much I loved the late night phone calls I received from you while you were away at college. You might just be the most tender-hearted person I know...I love that you can wear your heart on your sleeve without embarrassment. I will never outgrow the overprotective sister role, but I hope you realize it is because I love and adore you sooo much. I want nothing more than to see you settled and happy. I am so proud to call you my brother and my friend.

Johanna: My college roommate and teammate...very few people make me laugh as hard as you do. I laugh and shake my head at the crazy stuff we did and experienced during our college years...I owe so much to you and Holtkamp! I miss the days of laying in bed and talking about life, and listening to blaring music with our heads together on the floor, minutes before heading to the gym. Despite the rough patch in our friendship, I have always felt blessed to have you in my life. You have always been there for me, always with a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and great advice. I am so glad we are reconnecting...I love ya, JO!

Vashon: I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to have you back in my life! The past few years without contact have been bothersome for me. I doubt you will ever know how much your friendship meant to me in college. From the moment we met in the admissions office, I knew that you were special. While a lot of people only saw the basketball player, good-looking and completely ripped, you allowed me to see your heart. You were nothing that I expected you to be and I would never have guessed that you would be the truest friend I had in some of my most difficult times. You always knew when I was hurting and you gave the best hugs, but most importantly, you listened...really listened. I am so happy that life is treating you well and I look forward to the day I will be able to hug you again.

JoAnn: My "Hannibal Mom," friend, confidant, and the person who shaped me into the teacher I am today. Not a day goes by that I don't realize how fortunate I was to have you as my cooperating teacher! You challenged, inspired, encouraged and loved me...so much more than I ever hoped for or expected. I am honored to be your "third daughter." Both you and John opened your home and your hearts to me during some difficult times and I will eternally be grateful. Thank you for the years of friendship and always watching out for me. I love you!

Drew: There is no way I can leave you off this list, as we have been friends now for nearly a third of my life. Friendship came easily and despite having to work hard to maintain it at times over the years, I am thankful that you have been such an important part of my life. You have been there for nearly every major event in my life for the past 13 years...wow. You were the first boy I loved and you will always carry a special place in my heart. I thank you for loving me and for allowing me to be a part of your family (especially after we said goodbye). I sincerely wish you all the happiness in the world as you begin this next phase of your life.

Debby & Kelly: Two of the most amazing and beautiful women in my life! You made me feel welcome the very first time I met you and I have loved you ever since. Thank you for years of friendship, traveling experiences, candy making, laughs over Baileys and coffee, and late nights of playing games. You will never know how much I appreciate your letting our friendship transcend Drew's and my relationship. I will love you forever as my friends and sisters of the heart, no matter what changes may befall our relationship.

Doug: If I could hand pick another brother, I would choose you. It's no secret that I think you are an amazing teacher, but more importantly, you are an amazing friend. There are people who come into our lives and they just fit, without having to do much work; you are one of those people in my life. I have learned so much from you over the past few years, both about teaching and life. You are smart, sincere, kind, compassionate, dedicated, funny, talented (and let's not forget competitive), and every day you make me want to be better, in and outside of the classroom. Thank you for your willingness to share your ideas and jump in with both feet on some of the ideas I present to you. You make coming to work everyday enjoyable...for that alone I can't thank you enough.

Emily: My most creative friend...I envy you so much! ;) Upon our first meeting I knew that you were someone I wanted to know. I love that you march to the beat of your own drum, you are willing to sacrifice, and that you are one of the few people who can shock me. I admire you for the choices you are making for your family; although, I miss you terribly. I appreciate our friendship more than I ever tell you and am so glad that you are willing to make time for me, still. You make me laugh, your words are always like a warm hug, and I love being a part of your life.

Jessica: My newest and on the way to being one of my dearest friends (if not already!). A higher power must have intervened the night we met because I honestly wasn't interested or up for it. Never would I have believed that one of my greatest friendships would develop the way ours has! From the moment we met I knew that you were special and as I lurked around your blog, I knew I wanted to get to know (and be more like) the strong, smart, and beautiful woman you are. I cherish every moment spent with you and anxiously await our next dinner date (I typed supper, but it just didn't sound right...darn :). Thank you, Jess, for sharing your life with me.

Ron: Sometimes I am surprised that we are still friends, as we both struggle to "share" what is on our hearts or minds. :) There are many things that I admire about you, yet at the top of that list is that you always consider others' feelings before your own (sometimes too much). You are a great father, friend, and person...I too wish you could see yourself through others' eyes. I am thankful for your friendship, your honesty, and your ability to make me laugh; I look forward to the thousands of memories we've yet to create.

Happiness and Heartache are Intertwined

Today I wept.

D. called to tell me he is engaged; he wanted me to hear the news from him. I am happy for him, sincerely happy for him! I knew the day would come; I have always wanted him to find the love and the happiness I could not give him. And, I really do appreciate that he still cares about me enough to have told me himself.

I just hadn't prepared myself for my reaction to the news. Today I found myself grieving the loss of our relationship, again. There is a part of me that is embarrassed by my reaction, part of me angry; but mostly, I am glad I took the opportunity to love deeply enough that I feel this pain at a molecular level, at the very core of my being. It is my hope that I will have the opportunity and take the chance to experience this depth of love again.

Tomorrow, I will revel in the dawning of a new day and I will force myself to experience the beauty that surrounds me. Tomorrow, I will be happy for what I have in my life and not what I think I am missing. Tomorrow, I will be "me" again; but today...

Today, I allow myself to react to the news, to let myself grieve, to feel sad, and to let my heart ache. Today, I listen to my "sad" CD and wish for an Unbreakable Heart.

Letter to a former student

Dear Jake,

I have just gotten home from spending the last few hours with you and I can't stop smiling. While we spent the better part of three hours talking about what's happened in our lives over the course of the last several years, there are still a few things I want to say.

I'm not sure I adequately expressed how much it means to me that you called and wanted to meet up. I know we had talked about it, but that you actually took the initiative and followed through with it means the world to me. Despite having kept track of where you were and what was going on in your life through the years, there is nothing better than hearing it from you, with all the details. So, thank you...thank you for calling, thank you for the big hug when I walked through the door, and thank you for once again letting me share in your life.

Remembering you as a sophomore student makes me smile and shake my head. While there were days you made me want to tear my hair out, there wasn't a day that I didn't love having you as a student. Yes, you tried my patience and pushed my buttons, but you were never unkind or disrespectful. I think we both always knew the aggravation we provided for one another was out of love. I appreciate your saying you learned in my classroom and that you worked harder in there than your other classes, but I mostly appreciate you saying you always knew I cared about you as both a student and a person.

I cherish having wonderful memories of special students and knowing I always did right by them, whether in the classroom or outside of it. I will always have one regret when it comes to you though, Jake. I want you to know I deeply regret not having been there like I should have after the accident. How I wish I could have seen past my own grief over losing Dustin and trying to be there for his family, and taken more time to be with you in the hospital...to hug you tightly and tell you how thankful I was to not have lost you too (you, Ryan, Nathan, and Blake). I know you hold no ill-feelings towards me nor have you ever put much thought into it...I just need you to know I have and I am truly sorry for not having done more for you.

While that accident will forever bind us together, it is only a small portion of why I absolutely adore you. I saw such great potential in you as a sixteen-year-old boy and to have the opportunity to witness, firsthand, your reaching that potential is an amazing gift with which you have blessed me. Jake, you have become a wonderful man, husband and father. I hope you realize how extremely proud I am of you. That I may have played a very small role in your becoming such a fine person is an incredible feeling. When I find myself questioning why I am still teaching, why I continue to do this, I know the answer is... you. You, Jake (and students like you), are what keeps me in education. You make every negative I face in education inconsequential.

I look forward to the moments we will continue to share as friends. Thank you again for allowing me to be a part of your life.

With much love,

Jodi

10 quick bits of information...

Once again I find myself not taking the time to sit down and write here. And, of course I decide to do this late at night when I should be making myself go to bed. So, as a bit of a compromise, I'll just highlight what's going on in my world or my head...for now.

In no particular order.

1. All paperwork for Teacher of the Year (district competition) is finally complete! Yes, I may have procrastinated a little, but still...

2. Christmas with the family was great. Spent a lot of time with the family; it was nice and relaxing, which is exactly what I needed.

3. School has started again...although it is great not having homework to grade, I'm not overly excited about making lesson plans.

4. Word Count Journal. A student got me hooked on the site. A colleague has now made it a writing competition...it's stretching my imagination, that is for sure. Check it out: wordcountjournal.com

5. I'm taking on a student teacher this semester...It will be tough handing over all my classes...one in particular.

6. Writers Week...it's going to be AMAZING!!

7. I don't tell them nearly enough, but I have really wonderful friends! Some new, some old, but really amazing people in my life.

8. I've become indifferent to dating.

9. I wonder how much better education would be without administrators?

10. I really need to get all my Christmas decor put away, and hang pictures on my walls.

Alright...off to bed.