Outraged!

Dear Asshole,

Despite a little fear and anxiety that you are certifiably nuts and will be someone to hunt me down, I called the police and animal control on you this morning.

For over a week I have watched your puppy (an absolutely adorable puppy, by the way) be mistreated. No, you haven't beat him...you've completely neglected him. He's been living on a 3x6' balcony: sleeping, pacing, defecating, whining, eating from a torn bag of spilled dog food (that which is now sure to be mixed with feces) and searching for clean drinking water (of which there is none)...LIVING ON YOUR F---ING BALCONY!!

I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you had to be out of town and just made a poor choice and left your dog outside for a couple days, but NO...You have been in and out of your condo and you have not opened the sliding glass door once to attend to your dog. How can you listen to your dog whine and paw at the door for hours and do NOTHING?!

Never have I been this outraged with someone I've had no interaction with, nor do I generally wish bad things upon a person...but you...you, I'd like to see strung up by your toes (better yet, your genitals!)...or at the very least, made to live in the conditions you have forced upon that poor puppy!!

The woman at animal control said someone was on their way to your house when I made a follow-up call around 9:00 this morning. From the sounds of it, there is a history of calls concerning you as a horrible pet owner (this didn't help alleviate my anger or disgust). I am praying that when I return home today the puppy will be long gone, that a nice family will have the opportunity to adopt him, and that you will, at the very least, have to pay a hefty fine.

If, heaven forbid, that sweet puppy is still there, know that I will be watching and I will make a nuisance of myself at the animal control center. If all else fails, I'll get a ladder and take matters into my own hands.

Oh, and, if you are the type to retaliate...be warned, I have a bat and a pretty wicked softball swing.

-J