An Update

With so much going on lately I've not taken the time to sit down and write on this space. Technically I should be reading with my students during silent sustained reading, but I'm not...not a very good model today.

Since Writers Week, things have been pretty anti-climatic around school. It's hard to top the reaction and the enthusiasm the students had for that event. I am still receiving positive feedback from administration and kids though...that's awesome!

It is difficult getting back into paper grading mode.

It is nice not having a student teacher anymore! My first day of teaching again was like a drug. I had a "high" like I'd not had in awhile...my students noticed. It's a great feeling when you realize you are right where you should be, doing what you are meant to be doing.

I'm in a writing group with a couple of my colleagues and I love it. I haven't been writing nearly as much lately...not really sure why I'm not finding the motivation, but I love that we are sharing our lives and our knowledge with each other in this way.

This summer is wedding season...several of my Blair Oaks kids are getting married...they are sooo young (or rather, I'm getting old!).

I'm smitten. For the first time in a long time (if ever), I am allowing myself to just enjoy these moments and not over think this. Yesterday afternoon I found myself thinking "this is really going to hurt if it doesn't work out." Then, completely uncharacteristic of me, I told myself to not think about it...that even if it doesn't work out, I wouldn't trade all the moments and laughter we've shared over the past couple weeks. It feels good.

10 quick bits of information...

Once again I find myself not taking the time to sit down and write here. And, of course I decide to do this late at night when I should be making myself go to bed. So, as a bit of a compromise, I'll just highlight what's going on in my world or my head...for now.

In no particular order.

1. All paperwork for Teacher of the Year (district competition) is finally complete! Yes, I may have procrastinated a little, but still...

2. Christmas with the family was great. Spent a lot of time with the family; it was nice and relaxing, which is exactly what I needed.

3. School has started again...although it is great not having homework to grade, I'm not overly excited about making lesson plans.

4. Word Count Journal. A student got me hooked on the site. A colleague has now made it a writing competition...it's stretching my imagination, that is for sure. Check it out: wordcountjournal.com

5. I'm taking on a student teacher this semester...It will be tough handing over all my classes...one in particular.

6. Writers Week...it's going to be AMAZING!!

7. I don't tell them nearly enough, but I have really wonderful friends! Some new, some old, but really amazing people in my life.

8. I've become indifferent to dating.

9. I wonder how much better education would be without administrators?

10. I really need to get all my Christmas decor put away, and hang pictures on my walls.

Alright...off to bed.

A Visit Long Overdue

I've had this post sitting amongst my drafts for awhile now...I guess I wanted to make it perfect, but the words are never right when it comes to describing Dustin and the impact he made on my life. (And for some reason blogger will not allow me to seperate the gratitude stanza and the one following {the numbness is gone}...grrr.)


While in Columbia visiting family and enjoying some of my summer vacation, I finally made the time to go visit a dear friend. While I have talked to and thought about Dustin nearly every day for the past six years, it's probably been four years since I've visited.

As I approach I am overwhelmed...my heart cries and then come the tears.

So many emotions, I drop to my knees.

ANGER

WHY?! WHY?! WHY!!

Why does this happen...why did it have to be you?

REGRET

I should have come sooner, I should come more often.

I should have patted you on the back, I should have hugged you more often.

I should have been here more for Devin.

I'm sorry...that I missed out.

GRATITUDE

Student, athlete, my "adopted" brother, friend.

Quick glances, brief moments...I'd swear I saw you out of the corner of my eye

down the hall...comfort...you are still with me.

Laughter. Smiles. Sarcasm.

God knows that you are laughing at me right now.

Three blessed years.

Pain. Bearable, because I loved.

The numbness is gone;
my chest aches, my joints are stiff as I start to move.

It's time to go, but I don't want to leave,

I've found the peace that I've needed for so long,

I've reveled in memories, giggled and laughed,

you brought the smile out of me again...I HATE GOODBYES.

A slight breeze blows, a whisper on the wind.
I wipe the tears from my eyes..."yes, you made Miss D. cry."
I stand, say my goodbyes, and promise to return soon.
A glance back, a sigh as I start the engine, and a giggle;

"You may have made me cry...but I brought you flowers."

Dustin Lee Abel
1985-2001

My Own Worst Enemy

I've not been posting like I've intended because my brain has been occupied with other things and people in my life. It seems that when things are going really well that I (for some strange reason) must begin over-thinking everything instead of just enjoying the moment or experiences. It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't dragging others into my craziness. I'm working to keep past mistakes and experiences from dictating my current choices; it's scary and it's tough.

An Update

I haven't been very good about keeping up with my blog as of late so I thought I'd just randomly write about things that have kept me busy or been on my mind.

School is beginning to wind down and the students are really restless (teachers -me- might be a bit restless too). I'm trying to get through A Raisin in the Sun with my juniors and my sophomores are turning their research papers in tomorrow...that leaves me with about five days to teach Julius Caesar (yikes!). Needless to say we will be summarizing large portions of the play and only focusing on the major speeches.

I basically have little to no summer that is not spoken for...I'm an idiot and agreed to teach summer school, so I'll finish on the 3rd of June and start back on the 9th. I will teach until the 3rd of July, have a few weeks off and then take a week-long course on teaching AP English classes (July 28-August 1). Teachers report to school on the 4th of August and we begin school on the 11th. So, for all those who make comments to me about being lucky to have the summer off...yeah...

I surprised my mother and one of my aunts with roses for Mother's Day...both were surprised and pleased. I meant to post about my wonderful mother around Mother's Day, but got busy and have yet to do that. It seems like I have spent a lot of time on my father...much credit/appreciation needs to be given to my amazing mother as well...I'll get to that soon! (I'm not into advertising for companies, but I ordered and sent the flowers through Proflowers and was very pleased.)

My Avery turned eight this past weekend. I can't believe how grown up she is becoming. Now that I have moved I don't get to see her as much as I'd like, but when I do, she always makes me feel like a rock star! She always takes time out from playing to sit on my lap and chat, gives me lots of hugs and smooches, and always wants me to sit with her at the table for cake/ice cream, etc. Avery is a huge part of my life (as is all my family) and contributes considerably to me being who I am.

I have a great friend who surprised me with a shipment of chocolate desserts from Williams-Sonoma because he had read my blog post about being a bit overwhelmed/stressed. Needless to say it was an amazing surprise and one that is greatly appreciated. I'm really a bit speechless as a result of his kindness and consideration.

I seriously need to get into the gym and a regular workout routine! (Even more so now that J. has sent me chocolate desserts!)

My friend Y lost her sister to cancer this past week. There are no words that can be said to ease the pain of such a loss, but I hope that Y and her family have been able to take some comfort in the fact that R is no longer suffering. These moments should really make us all stop and give thanks for the loved ones we are surrounded by each day. I can't even begin to imagine the heartache of losing my sister or my brother.

This is the first season that I have ever watched American Idol and I am finding myself obsessed with voting for David Cook tonight. That's actually a bit embarrassing to admit.

My department chair told me that the principal of our school made the comment to her (out of the blue) that she hoped she (the dept. chair) realized how lucky she was to have me in her department, that I was a real gem. I'm generally not one to 'toot my own horn', but that really made me feel good about what I am doing. I have the utmost respect for my head principal and in a building the size of the one that I am in, it is nice if the principal even knows me by name. The fact that she brought me up in conversation...wow! It is amazing that in teaching, one positive can wipe out hundreds of negatives!

I'm beginning to think about buying a house. It's not a decision I ever thought I would be making alone and it is really scary, but it is exciting too.

I'm in the process of applying to grad school...exciting and nerve racking as well. It's been a long time since I've written a paper to be graded!

Those are some of the highlights...there are a couple thousand other things as well, but I won't bore you any longer...for now.