A Visit Long Overdue

I've had this post sitting amongst my drafts for awhile now...I guess I wanted to make it perfect, but the words are never right when it comes to describing Dustin and the impact he made on my life. (And for some reason blogger will not allow me to seperate the gratitude stanza and the one following {the numbness is gone}...grrr.)


While in Columbia visiting family and enjoying some of my summer vacation, I finally made the time to go visit a dear friend. While I have talked to and thought about Dustin nearly every day for the past six years, it's probably been four years since I've visited.

As I approach I am overwhelmed...my heart cries and then come the tears.

So many emotions, I drop to my knees.

ANGER

WHY?! WHY?! WHY!!

Why does this happen...why did it have to be you?

REGRET

I should have come sooner, I should come more often.

I should have patted you on the back, I should have hugged you more often.

I should have been here more for Devin.

I'm sorry...that I missed out.

GRATITUDE

Student, athlete, my "adopted" brother, friend.

Quick glances, brief moments...I'd swear I saw you out of the corner of my eye

down the hall...comfort...you are still with me.

Laughter. Smiles. Sarcasm.

God knows that you are laughing at me right now.

Three blessed years.

Pain. Bearable, because I loved.

The numbness is gone;
my chest aches, my joints are stiff as I start to move.

It's time to go, but I don't want to leave,

I've found the peace that I've needed for so long,

I've reveled in memories, giggled and laughed,

you brought the smile out of me again...I HATE GOODBYES.

A slight breeze blows, a whisper on the wind.
I wipe the tears from my eyes..."yes, you made Miss D. cry."
I stand, say my goodbyes, and promise to return soon.
A glance back, a sigh as I start the engine, and a giggle;

"You may have made me cry...but I brought you flowers."

Dustin Lee Abel
1985-2001