Happiness and Heartache are Intertwined

Today I wept.

D. called to tell me he is engaged; he wanted me to hear the news from him. I am happy for him, sincerely happy for him! I knew the day would come; I have always wanted him to find the love and the happiness I could not give him. And, I really do appreciate that he still cares about me enough to have told me himself.

I just hadn't prepared myself for my reaction to the news. Today I found myself grieving the loss of our relationship, again. There is a part of me that is embarrassed by my reaction, part of me angry; but mostly, I am glad I took the opportunity to love deeply enough that I feel this pain at a molecular level, at the very core of my being. It is my hope that I will have the opportunity and take the chance to experience this depth of love again.

Tomorrow, I will revel in the dawning of a new day and I will force myself to experience the beauty that surrounds me. Tomorrow, I will be happy for what I have in my life and not what I think I am missing. Tomorrow, I will be "me" again; but today...

Today, I allow myself to react to the news, to let myself grieve, to feel sad, and to let my heart ache. Today, I listen to my "sad" CD and wish for an Unbreakable Heart.