I apologize in advance for the lack of cohesion this post will have...it's more about me purging emotion than publishing a well-written piece.
I walked into the building as our principal instructed teachers to make sure they read the bulletin for an important announcement. Unfortunately that announcement we were supposed to read was about the death of one of our students. A sophomore boy named Jamel collapsed at wrestling practice yesterday afternoon and died in the hospital last night. The announcement also instructed teachers to share the news with our students this morning.
J. walked into my room first thing this morning and we began our morning conversation just like every other morning. This morning J. started to tell me about a wrestler having to go to the hospital yesterday at practice. I was not prepared to break this news, but I asked J. to wait a moment before going out to the hallway (where discussions were already being had). I told him that I needed to talk to him about the incident he had just mentioned and proceeded to share the information I had with him. Blank. The blank...I don't know how to process, this must be a joke, how could this happen...stare that I have seen too many times in my ten years of education.
That look haunts me. In ten years of education, I have attended 10 funerals of students and athletes (none in the past three years). I have always said the one thing that will drive me out of education is having to deal with the loss of my students...it is something I have a very difficult time coming to terms with. As bad as it sounds, I am glad that I didn't know this student personally (although I hear he was a really great young man...it seems that the ones we lose generally are)...I'm not sure that I would have had the strength to deal with that loss right now.
It is exactly ten days until the anniversary of Dustin's death. I generally find myself to be melancholy a good portion of November. The 28th has been in the back of my mind and I've subconsciously been preparing for the day. Despite my best efforts, there will be both an uncontrollable physical and emotional reaction. I wasn't prepared for the sadness to settle in today, but the news and the reactions to Jamel's death have opened the floodgates.
I am fortunate to work in a field in which I get to know and love teens...on the flip side of that, they are often the most unpredictable and risk-taking group alive. They still think they are invincible and often put themselves into dangerous situations. The loss of young life is the most tragic of any loss...so much potential lost to the world. I don't know that I will ever come to grips or understand why this happens.
More positive posts to come later...promise.
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3 comments:
Jodi, did you hear about the West dropout kid who got killed in a car accident last month?
That was MY first time dealing with this. I went to his funeral. I still thought about him, even after he left West. I really cared about this kid.
It is indescribable how this kind of thing feels.
It is indescribable! That is about the best word for it.
Never have I been so close to a breakdown as the year that I lost three students.
Jodi, I echo so much of your post. Your expression of emotion helped me realize that I had a lot that I NEEDED to express about this subject, so I just wrote a blog entry about it.
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