Silly anxieties...

I freely admit when it comes to my Christmas ornaments, I border on being O.C.D.  I began collecting Hallmark ornaments with my mom and sister several years ago.  What started out as a "filler" gift (you know, those gifts you buy to round out a person's gifts, or to make sure you spent the same amount on each person) in the past has now become the focus of much of our Christmas holiday.  Needless to say, I've got multiple tubs of Hallmark ornaments.  Tubs of wrapped and boxed Hallmark ornaments.  Yes, I am very particular with my ornaments.  And, there is a process for getting the ornaments out, hanging them up, and putting them away.  I know it's excessive...I make fun of myself for it...but, I LOVE my ornaments!

So, last night when it was decided that we would put up my Christmas tree, I was excited and a little leery.  Scott helped me decorate my tree last year, so he had a pretty good idea of my system.  This year, my help were O. and M., and their excitement for all these tiny unopened boxes, while absolutely adorable, was completely nerve racking for me.  Though Scott says I looked calm sitting there with the boys digging through my beloved ornaments, my anxiety had to be transparent.  My offers to open the ornaments and have them hang them were pretty much ignored...I can't blame them, as Scott later told my sister, "it was like hundreds of little Christmas gifts sitting right there in front of them"...and I held my breath as I watched them delve into the tubs.  Fortunately, with a lot of prompting and careful observation, both boys followed my rules of carefully opening the box, carefully pulling out the ornament and unwrapping it, then carefully putting the bubble wrap or tissue paper back in the box.  They were a little disappointed when I told them they couldn't pop the bubble wrap, but they quickly got over it once they started to look at and play with the animated ornaments.

In the end, no boxes were torn, most packaging was returned to its correct box, and only one ornament had to seek a touch of superglue.  It was fun to see M. and O.'s excitement as I pointed out different ornaments and showed them where buttons and levers were to be found on them, but I was more able to breathe once we'd gotten through the opening of all the boxes.  I'm not proud of my anxiety in regards to the ornaments...I know it's silly, but I really do LOVE my ornaments.  I love reacquainting myself with the ones I have forgotten over the past eleven months and having the opportunity to put them on the tree for the very first time.  Though the "putting up" process is a bit tedious and I am a little particular about their placement on the tree (what...I have to showcase my favorites!) as well, the end result is a thing of beauty!

Bamboozle--What a Fun Word to Say!

As an educator, it's easy to feel like my students are trying to bamboozle me on a daily basis.  I don't generally look at their attempts as mean spirited, more just a means of having to do less work. They're teenagers and it's expected; it would be abnormal for them not to test the boundaries.  And, I appreciate their efforts when they are successful.

On the other hand, I've had plenty of people try to bamboozle me in my personal life.  I've been in relationships where as we got more serious, the more things began to change.  The admiration for my coaching three sports and teaching soon became a one-sided topic as we began to talk of the future that lay ahead of us; one-sided on his part..."you won't be able to coach when we have children, you'll need to be at home."  I remember feeling tricked, bamboozled, when the words trailed off his lips. I stared in disbelief and I walked out. This wasn't the first nor the last relationship (friendship or otherwise) I ended for feeling like I'd been deceived.

It's these past relationships, these unexpected shifts that make me so thankful for Scott.  Since our first meeting (afternoon coffee), I've never had a reason to feel suspicious or anxious about what the future would hold.  Scott has never been anything but completely upfront about his past, his failures, his hopes, his dreams, etc.  I've never met a more honest or more true person than Scott (one of the many reasons I am marrying this man!); shoot, he was even relieved when his attempts to throw me a surprise birthday party were thwarted.  :) 

To be able to trust completely...that's big...that's really BIG!

Day 2: Nihilism

Really?!  Nihilism...Hmmm...

Well, it took a consult with Mr. Webster to make sure I even knew what the word means...total rejection of established laws and institutions.   

I can't say that I've ever sat and thought about anything in terms of complete rejection...hmmm, what do I reject...

It feels a little weird to be saying this, especially as I plan my own wedding, but of all institutions, I am most discouraged with the institution of marriage.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge proponent for commitment and the joining of lives, but it's hard to believe in a system that doesn't allow every one to legally marry.  Times change and so should the social institutions in which we most strongly believe, and effect the greatest majority.  There shouldn't be laws that determine which genders of people are allowed to love one another and be legally bound. So, I guess it is fair to say I reject the [current] established laws which govern the participation in the institution of marriage.

***I'm crossing my fingers for a much "fluffier" word tomorrow!
  

A December Writing Challenge

Tonight is the night regular writing begins, again.  My buddies (Crazybastard66 and NoisyLittleAdventures) and I have devised a challenge...a one-word challenge. Every day in December a random word (supplied by one of us) will be drawn and our task will be to include the word in a piece of writing (it could just be in the title) or simply write from inspiration derived from the chosen word.  The web site instructs participants to write for sixty seconds...this all English-teacher crew has decided to toss that guideline...we like words and our own voices (in writing of course) too much to be limited to a mere sixty seconds! So, here goes...

Tonight

Tonight was spent in class, well, two and a half hours of it anyway.  I like the class, I like the people in the class, and I thoroughly enjoy the wit and intellect of the instructor; but, I am so ready for this class to be over. I want my Wednesday evenings with "my fellas" back, and I want to be able to absent-mindlessly watch a movie without thinking about star power, commercial aesthetics, production codes, lighting, framing, and staging techniques, or focus on camera angles.  I merely want to enjoy the spectacle of Harry Potter escaping the Dementor's kiss or jump out of my seat when I'm startled by the snake striking at the screen, instead of thinking the director broke the rules by making the audience a part of the film instead of allowing us to just be spectators...I want to stop using the word spectacle when talking about what is projected on a movie screen!  After a finishing a fifteen page paper I have yet to start and a final class meeting, I will try to return to the role of audience member...and, I plan on celebrating that moment with Scott, a bowl of popcorn...and, perhaps,  Johnny Depp.

**Follow our challenge, hold us accountable to writing every day...join our challenge!  Leave a comment if you'd like to participate and we'll get you linked!

Wow...Nothing Since April!

No question that life is BUSY...but, it's good!

I hope to become more regular on here again, but with grad classes, wedding planning, working to make a living, and actually trying to have a life on top of it all, there isn't enough time in the day.  So, here's a cute photo from this past weekend to hopefully get the ball rolling...

My Fellas!

We're Engaged!!

Scott "popped" the question Saturday night after finishing our meal at Trattoria Marcella. I, surprised and overjoyed, said YES!! No details yet...I'm just going to take some time to enjoy these moments.